Ex and the City.


“After a break-up, certain street, locations, even times of day are off-limits. The city becomes a deserted battlefield, loaded with emotional landmines. You have to be very careful where you step or you could be blown to pieces.” ~Carrie Bradshaw (Sex & The City)

I’m an avid fan of “Sex & The City.” Always was. Although, I wasn’t particularly pleased with the direction they chose with the second installment of the movie. Quite frankly, I sincerely hope that they end it there; I really can’t bear to hear another over-the-top “Churchy” rendition by Jennifer Hudson. But that’s neither here nor there…

I want you to Get a Major Edge (G.A.M.E.) and I stole the quote from Carrie because I think that it has all the necessary vitamins and minerals to help you do so. Every relationship has an expiration date. It’s up to you and your mate to preserve its contents as best as you can. Just know that when that expiration date becomes today, the “emotional landmines” are coming. Look out for them. If you know where they are, you can avoid them at all costs and spare yourself the casualty. Who has time for that anyway? Life goes on and it will gladly leave you if you allow it. I now have the honor in saying that I can speak from personal experience. When my ex-damsel and I were in the apex of our relationship, ….


She and I did much more than watch “Sex & the City” DVDs all day.



For those of you who are not familiar with such idioms, it basically means that she and I did everything together.

Horseback riding in Lake Tahoe, Rode tricycles over the Golden Gate Bridge, Sinned for beads in New Orleans, Walked the dog

at the Grand Canyon, Ate some overrated Chicago-Style pizza in Chicago. We did everything together! As a couple, “boring”

would never define this. I can say that much. We kept each other on our toes. (That basically just means we were

unpredictable.) Alright, I’m being a smart-ass now. But any who, we became restaurant connoisseurs, saw where they were

going on the travel channel and booked flights there for the hell of it. You get the point. We

had fun.

But feces happened.

>>>>> FAST FORWARD A YEAR LATER >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Next thing you know, I was single in the city, broken, and with nothing to do because everything that I can possibly think of (including breathing) reminds me of things I used to do with the ex-damsel.

For months, I fought this phenomenon. Trying to escape the inevitable. Cutting out places that we used to go, ordering and cooking different dishes other than the ones she used to love. Skipping the sad love songs that I used to enjoy. I was kidding myself. A one man army in an emotional battlefield. For almost a year, I told myself that I could sever all ties with her completely. What I ended up doing naturally was depriving myself of life~ in other words, there’s a lot of things that I used to do and loved doing prior to my ex. When my ex came, I invited her into my life whole-heartedly. So the things I enjoyed, we now both enjoyed. But when my ex went, I associated those things as “our” things instead of realizing the bigger picture. Life exists before and after an Ex.

In fact, “Ex” are the first two letters of “Exist.”

I can go anywhere in the world now and be confident in my decisions. No corner of God’s green land is off limits….including: Old faves that my ex and I used to enjoy in the city. Of course, the passenger is different, and I am pleased with that. It’s as if the landmines never existed in the first place.

Keep your “Edge” and your next courtship will be a lot safer emotionally and physically. A lot more appropriate


You have to brace the possibility that the days of you and your mate might be numbered.

If/When it does, it may feel like you’re just borrowing a small piece of land on a huge field of emotional landmines. But don’t feel that way. Embrace them as a positive. Use them as a constant reminder that your man (or damsel) was most likely leading you to disaster.

If you were blown into smithereens

you’ll still make it.

All you can do is pick yourself up piece by piece. Just be sure to build stronger next time. You can still listen to those Brian McKnight and Coldplay albums and enjoy the music for what it is. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Your G.A.M.E. won’t be either. Eventually, you’ll fall in love with the city again and what it has to offer. Don’t be foolish. It’ll take time to get your city back, I know. I’m not perfect, if you can believe it. It took me a little time also. Take Salmon, for instance.


was my ex damsel’s favorite food.

I can’t lie, I dodged salmon meals for a little while after the break up because it reminded me of her.

But now I don’t turn it down if it’s available.

I would be cuckoo to do so. Salmon is delicious.
Not to mention, packed with omega-3 fatty acids.

You have to acknowledge that there’s a plethora of other choices out there for you: Red Snapper, Barramundi, and so on. So why chase the Salmon? An old proverb from my Grandmother and as corny as it sounds, quite accurate: “There’s plenty of fish in the sea.” You go fishing and get so caught up on catching a salmon that you miss out on the Whale….the real catch. Keep your mind and heart open to receive greatness.
And don’t start getting all juicy-eyed when Brian McKnight’s “one last cry” comes on. Relax. It’s just a song.

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Beware of the Carpenter.


Jesus was a carpenter.

But HE was perfect.
We’re not.

Besides, I’m talking about something different…

Beware of the Carpenter

Beware of the Carpenter because carpenters “put walls up.”

They do other things, too.  But let’s lay the groundwork first.  Yes, pun intended.

Now, I’m going to break this down in the most simplest, forthright, candid, plainest, all-american ham and cheese sandwich way possible:

You ever meet a damsel/man for the first time?……

Y’all hit it off appropriately

Chemistry amazing

Love at first sight (if you believe in that)

Decide to go on a date


More chemistry

Hydrogen & Oxygen

Everything felt pure like water.

But something changed.

Maybe the water flowed too heavily and in the midst of it all, someone drifted away…

You would like to see more of your date but you’re unaware that s/he has all of a sudden become preoccupied.

*Cell Phone Rings*

Man: Hello

Damsel: Hey!!!

Man: Hey (notice the absence of exclamation point usage. Meaning: lack of enthusiasm)

Damsel: I want to see you!

Man: Oh, really (take notice again..)

Damsel: Can I come over tonight?

Man: Well, I’m really tired. (It’s 6:05pm.) I still have to wrap up some files for a briefing tomorrow, go to the gym, clean the house.  By the time I do all that, I will be exhausted.  Plus, I have an early morning tomorrow.  I have to wake up at 3:30am to do my laundry, it’s expected to be crazy traffic because of daylight savings time, then it’s street cleaning so I have to move my work van.

To the damsel reading this,

That man just put a “wall” up on you.  Not only A wall, but multiple ones.  More than five even.

Wall (n.) {Wawl} ~ A stated thought or action used as a barrier by a man or damsel to passively deter or avoid unwanted company or physical companionship.

2. The cowardly approach of saying “I’m not interested.” 

3. A means of tactfully changing the subject

He is a bona fide Carpenter.

And I’m not talking about his real job.

I’m talking about his character as a person.


..look for the early warning signs while dealing with Carpenters.

Only you can determine if you have the patience to deal with hurdles and the upset.

To some degree, the chase makes it fun, yes.  It’s a natural part of the G.A.M.E.

But too many walls might only make you wish that you had some windows.

At least with windows, you can see through them, or possibly escape if necessary.

Beware of the Carpenter.
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