New Look | Same Great Taste

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The One That Got AwayI sat and pondered about this post while sipping from a coke can that read the words “Dreamer” along the side of it. A lot has happened since the last time we met. I published The Book of G.A.M.E. (Getting a Major Edge) in January 2014 — which has done quite well by the way and I thank every and each one of you for the sales and support. Yes, I said “every and each.” I also experienced Africa for the first time, and then a second — traveled across the globe and proposed to the most gorgeous woman in the world — spoke to some kids — stood on a few stages to a few groups of strangers and told some stories that elicited laughter — travelled some more — and of course, bought a few new suits and hats along the way. Needless to say, time has gotten away from me. And time, whether you’re having fun or not, flies, doesn’t it? So…you might as well enjoy it. You owe it to yourself.

Life has been more than a blessing and I’ve been enjoying every second! A dear friend and brother of mine inspired me to keep the blog alive, not so much for own benefit, but to pay the inspiration forward. I took some time to get my thoughts in order and realize that I come to you now as a better, more polished man. A man in love, first of all. A man who has seen some of God’s green earth’s most necessary sights with mere dollars in his checking account. A man with no tattoos on his spirit. A more vulnerable, giving man who is more polished, self-aware, fearless and unapologetic. A man who is funny sometimes — a man who is letting his beard grow in for the first time because She likes it. A man with the edge that he spent 6 painful years writing about before the book was published. I’m excited to bring this man to you on a regular basis. I’m all in.

Thank you for continuing to support me and please do share.

Anticipate me.

~CK

 

 

 

Pretty Girls Poop — an excerpt from “The Book of G.A.M.E.”

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Chapter 5: Pretty Girls Poop

A WOMAN’S TRUE COLORS—FIFTY SHADES OF BROWN

A pretty girl may never show her true colors, especially when she first starts courting someone. A woman’s bowels in my opinion, are the most resilient force on the planet. If a lady is seeing 
someone who she deems special, she’ll hold her numero dos for over a year. The instant that a man leaves the house for any reason, the damsel will blitz the bathroom like a linebacker to a pass play. 

(This chapter reminds men that regardless of the amount of beauty a damsel possesses, she is still a human being — so she need not be feared. This will enhance confidence — minimize rejection — and make the world a better venue.)

Charles Kellam
The Book of G.A.M.E. (Getting a Major Edge)

Available on Amazon

Pretty Girls Poop

Get Happiness in only 196 pages~

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Get happiness in only 196 pages~

At last! The cure for anyone who has ever had relationship problems…

The Book of G.A.M.E. takes the game that has long been a household name – reinvents it, and makes it his own – G.A.M.E. is now an acronym for Getting a Major Edge. This is The Universal Handbook of Dating and Life that is just as relevant as it is effective. A self help/happiness/dating humor piece, it rebuilds men from scratch and gives damsels insight on what to expect from a man with edge. Covering the importance of fashion, confidence, chivalry, and many other overlooked blunders, the author, stand-up comedian, and humanitarian breaks the mold of what’s been done before and builds a much better one. Painfully honest, yet refreshing- the goods are here – with the author’s raw personal accounts spawned from travels, his entertainment career, and dating. The author is a polymath when it comes to dating & life and it shows through the pages. His fearless and avant-garde approach of courting will reshape relationships as we know it. This book is one of one. Quotes from The Book of G.A.M.E. include:
  • “A damsel judges a man in the first 2 seconds based on his shoes.”
  •  “There’s no cure for the insecure person”
  • “Everything you want to know about a damsel, you can learn from her feet.”

Tongue-in-cheek, raw, and inventive, Charles Kellam introduces a brand new way of thinking. His interactive voice will lure you in, entertain, and enlighten you. The Book of G.A.M.E. is also funny – a powerful and refreshing dating tool that will be a conversation piece for years to come.

The Good Hairline Years

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Human Mannequein

I feel like I wasted my last good hairline years on my ex~

I remember the days when I had a dark, crispy, robust hairline that would slice one deeply if they ran their finger across it at the wrong angle. I remember it went straight across my forehead like a crew neck t-shirt; now it’s more like a v-neck.

Yet with a combination of Time, Bad Relationships, stress, and DNA, it’s not as vigorous anymore. But it doesn’t concern me. My handsome starts from within.

Ladies, you may find the same to be true in your life. You spend countless months, years, and decades with men who relentlessly consume your “Good Hairline Years.” Maybe your hair used to fall and land at the bottom of your back, and now it struggles to barely land at the bottom of your neck. Perhaps the thick, course, beautiful hair that used to drive you crazy because it was hard to manage is now thinner than it used to be…and you want it back. But knowing that you can’t get it back (naturally) drives you even crazier. Stupid Crazy, as you realize that life happens.

Yes, it does.

But this reinforces our human state, and that also, time is the most valuable resource. It’s the ONLY thing in life, other than life itself, that you cannot get back. Treat it as such.

The Good Hairline Years might be a metaphor for an even deeper emotional and spiritual urgency. Maybe you want kids, and he doesn’t. Maybe you spend too much time in the house because you’re scared to death to go out and enjoy your life after watching the news. The news is the devil. Maybe you’ve been using that Wells Fargo teller position as a “Stepping Stone” and realized that 12 years has passed by………….meanwhile, your passion to become an interior decorator has been put on the back burner. Not even on the back burner, on the foreman grill in the closet. Maybe you’re with a man, just to maintain the perception of “being with someone” and have a warm bed to enter. Meanwhile, happiness does not exist in you.

Or maybe, just maybe you lead the perfect life, have the perfect hairline, and have no need for the Book of G.A.M.E.

Or, maybe not.

Female or male, you need to understand that your beauty starts from within. Identify that and let it resonate outward. NEVER let time pass with any person, thing, or opportunity that’s not good for you.

Don’t waste your Good Hairline Years on anyone.

June 27th, 2013. ~ The Book of G.A.M.E. available at a book store near you

Pretty Girls Poop.

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Please believe, that I did everything in my power to avoid this issue.

Well, almost everything. After having a deep talk with one of my dear comrades, I found it necessary.  He actually inspired the title that you hate that you love.

Pretty girls poop!

I’m not too keen on it.

I don’t like it.

And to be quite frank with you, I still don’t fully accept it.

And I know what you’re probably thinking:

“It’s 2013. Get over it!”

But I’m not over it, so I implore you to get over the fact that I’m just not over it yet.

These are my thoughts~

I put Damsels on a pedestal.  Even the ones who don’t deserve it.

I guess you can say, I’m a female chauvinist, if you will.

My Mother raised me, so she was like a God to me.

Therefore.

I look up to women.

I treasure their existence.

I admire them.

Again, even the ones who don’t deserve it.

So just the mere fact in knowing that Damsels defecate troubles me.

It humanizes them in a way that I’m not really comfortable with.

But that’s just me.

And as much as I despise this harsh reality, I realize the bigger picture.

G.A.M.E. can be improved significantly if men took the time to realize that Pretty Girls have to visit the porcelain every now and again.  Depending on how you look at it, we can turn the feces into fertilizer.  And some men just don’t see it this way yet.  That’s why I’m here…

SOAPBOX

 

Every man in the world, including myself, has seen that Damsel that was so beautiful, it made him quiver.

Made him nearly sh*t himself…at least once.  I know I have.

Why?

Because true beauty is nerve-wracking and scary.

(And by beauty, I mean whatever you perceive as such.)

When people get nervous, their bowels start doing peculiar things.

It doesn’t matter if you celebrate Ramadan, on your 9th day of fasting; matter will find it’s way to your tail feather if you’re nervous.  Bottom line.

So back to my Soapbox…

There was a girl named Nia quite a few yesterdays ago.

Nia. Was. Everything.

She & I lived on the same street, her about 6 houses down.

I don’t know what it was about this girl that wrapped my stomach in knots when I saw her; but somehow, she was successful at it every time.

So what did I finally do?

I did what every young handsome boy with raging hormones does whenever he sees a girl he likes:

I ran.

I fled the scene immediately, like clockwork.

I would go back to the comfort of my living room and spectate her glory from the mini blinds.

This was way before the Book of G.A.M.E. even came out.

I was G.A.M.E.-less

Even my father’s continuous pep talks couldn’t get me to overcome these emotional hurdles I was hurdling…fear that she would reject me.

If I knew then

what I know now, Nia would’ve been in the bag.

Turns out that I put her on such a high pedestal, that I was unable to reach her myself. And that was my own doing.

Comrades, be confident.  Please.  A Damsel at the end of the day, is a human being at the beginning of the day.  Confidence is everything.  You need to understand that rejection is always a possibility, even for the Damsel that makes you nervous.  G.A.M.E. is a mechanism designed to help you minimize these rejections.  Never be too afraid to approach what you think may be a shot at something real.  Pedestals are for Bronze, Silver, and Gold Medalists.  But if you happen to accidentally place her up there real high…

Bring her back down!

You can simply do so by just remembering, that Pretty Girls do it too.

 

 

Beware of the Carpenter.

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Jesus was a carpenter.

But HE was perfect.
We’re not.

Besides, I’m talking about something different…

Beware of the Carpenter

Beware of the Carpenter because carpenters “put walls up.”

They do other things, too.  But let’s lay the groundwork first.  Yes, pun intended.

Now, I’m going to break this down in the most simplest, forthright, candid, plainest, all-american ham and cheese sandwich way possible:

You ever meet a damsel/man for the first time?……

Y’all hit it off appropriately

Chemistry amazing

Love at first sight (if you believe in that)

Decide to go on a date

Date

More chemistry

Hydrogen & Oxygen

Everything felt pure like water.

But something changed.

Maybe the water flowed too heavily and in the midst of it all, someone drifted away…

You would like to see more of your date but you’re unaware that s/he has all of a sudden become preoccupied.

*Cell Phone Rings*

Man: Hello

Damsel: Hey!!!

Man: Hey (notice the absence of exclamation point usage. Meaning: lack of enthusiasm)

Damsel: I want to see you!

Man: Oh, really (take notice again..)

Damsel: Can I come over tonight?

Man: Well, I’m really tired. (It’s 6:05pm.) I still have to wrap up some files for a briefing tomorrow, go to the gym, clean the house.  By the time I do all that, I will be exhausted.  Plus, I have an early morning tomorrow.  I have to wake up at 3:30am to do my laundry, it’s expected to be crazy traffic because of daylight savings time, then it’s street cleaning so I have to move my work van.

To the damsel reading this,

That man just put a “wall” up on you.  Not only A wall, but multiple ones.  More than five even.

Wall (n.) {Wawl} ~ A stated thought or action used as a barrier by a man or damsel to passively deter or avoid unwanted company or physical companionship.

2. The cowardly approach of saying “I’m not interested.” 

3. A means of tactfully changing the subject

He is a bona fide Carpenter.

And I’m not talking about his real job.

I’m talking about his character as a person.

Always..

..look for the early warning signs while dealing with Carpenters.

Only you can determine if you have the patience to deal with hurdles and the upset.

To some degree, the chase makes it fun, yes.  It’s a natural part of the G.A.M.E.

But too many walls might only make you wish that you had some windows.

At least with windows, you can see through them, or possibly escape if necessary.

Beware of the Carpenter.
(Oh, and subscribe to this)

Times are changing~

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If only G.A.M.E. were more like energy…
Energy can neither be created nor destroyed.
G.A.M.E. can undoubtedly be created, and has most certainly been destroyed.

Do you know why?

They don’t make men like they used to.
Simple and plain.

Times are changing~

30 is the new 29. And ladies are the new man. Men in general have turned into an impressionable and insecure species with no identity. Poor parenting or lack thereof, media outlets, entertainment, pop culture, etc. has attributed to our failing as a whole. I’m not here to make excuses, so I won’t. It has become socially acceptable for men to take on the traits of a damsel. There’s always exceptions to every rule, of course. Where did we drop the ball?

I’m on my soapbox:
I’m in Macy’s. On this particular day, I decided to treat myself to a new fragrance. I ended up going with ‘Legend, by Mont Blanc’. But prior to that, my shopping experience was real shaky. It’s been eons since I’ve been cologne shopping and I have everything so I really didn’t need another. But you can never have enough a young damsel once taught me… So I’m back now for the first time in years and I noticed that all of the bottle designs for men have become increasingly feminine. I thought to myself, that’s because damsels buy and men only sit at home at play sports, right?

Shut up!

But I guess it’s like dog treats…..they put bacon on the packaging to market to the humans. Dogs don’t give a lovemaking what bacon looks like. Any respectable pup should have never even tasted bacon. But it’s the owner making the final decision. So back to the cologne~ not only were the bottles feminine, a lot of the fragrances were distinctly soft and unacceptably sweet. On more than 3 occasions I had to look at the bottle and ask “is this still the men’s section?”

The rep would kindly reply,
Yes sir, but this item is unisex.
A clear copout.
Case in point.

Everything has become “unisex.”

As a whole, the way men dress, walk, speak, and carry themselves has demonstrated a terrible compromise in swagger and bravado.

The things that are destroying manhood:
~Pastel scarfs in the spring or summer time
~Boots with a tall heal on them
~Handbags
~Pants so skinny that men have to peel them off at night. (If they’re inside out when they come off, they’re way to skinny.)

I see “couples” walking down the street all the time in Los Angeles. From behind, you can’t tell the man and damsel apart anymore. I swear to Bob.

I will be responsible for reinstalling G.A.M.E. in men. Creating that good energy.

Comrades,
Be confident.
Be masculine, if applicable.
Be yourself.

Don’t think outside the box, DO outside the box.
Please destroy everything you’re doing.
Don’t walk up to a beautiful damsel and say, you are so beautiful.
Calling a beautiful woman “beautiful” does not impress her.

Why?

Would you walk up to a baseball player on the field and say, hey, you play baseball.

It’s boring. It’s trite. It’s lazy. It’s supercilious.

The beautiful damsel hears that she’s “beautiful” too often. Your words are not compliments. If nothing else, they sicken her.

I’m done writing for now.