poop

Pretty Girls Poop — an excerpt from “The Book of G.A.M.E.”

Standard

Chapter 5: Pretty Girls Poop

A WOMAN’S TRUE COLORS—FIFTY SHADES OF BROWN

A pretty girl may never show her true colors, especially when she first starts courting someone. A woman’s bowels in my opinion, are the most resilient force on the planet. If a lady is seeing 
someone who she deems special, she’ll hold her numero dos for over a year. The instant that a man leaves the house for any reason, the damsel will blitz the bathroom like a linebacker to a pass play. 

(This chapter reminds men that regardless of the amount of beauty a damsel possesses, she is still a human being — so she need not be feared. This will enhance confidence — minimize rejection — and make the world a better venue.)

Charles Kellam
The Book of G.A.M.E. (Getting a Major Edge)

Available on Amazon

Pretty Girls Poop

Advertisements

Pretty Girls Poop.

Standard

Please believe, that I did everything in my power to avoid this issue.

Well, almost everything. After having a deep talk with one of my dear comrades, I found it necessary.  He actually inspired the title that you hate that you love.

Pretty girls poop!

I’m not too keen on it.

I don’t like it.

And to be quite frank with you, I still don’t fully accept it.

And I know what you’re probably thinking:

“It’s 2013. Get over it!”

But I’m not over it, so I implore you to get over the fact that I’m just not over it yet.

These are my thoughts~

I put Damsels on a pedestal.  Even the ones who don’t deserve it.

I guess you can say, I’m a female chauvinist, if you will.

My Mother raised me, so she was like a God to me.

Therefore.

I look up to women.

I treasure their existence.

I admire them.

Again, even the ones who don’t deserve it.

So just the mere fact in knowing that Damsels defecate troubles me.

It humanizes them in a way that I’m not really comfortable with.

But that’s just me.

And as much as I despise this harsh reality, I realize the bigger picture.

G.A.M.E. can be improved significantly if men took the time to realize that Pretty Girls have to visit the porcelain every now and again.  Depending on how you look at it, we can turn the feces into fertilizer.  And some men just don’t see it this way yet.  That’s why I’m here…

SOAPBOX

 

Every man in the world, including myself, has seen that Damsel that was so beautiful, it made him quiver.

Made him nearly sh*t himself…at least once.  I know I have.

Why?

Because true beauty is nerve-wracking and scary.

(And by beauty, I mean whatever you perceive as such.)

When people get nervous, their bowels start doing peculiar things.

It doesn’t matter if you celebrate Ramadan, on your 9th day of fasting; matter will find it’s way to your tail feather if you’re nervous.  Bottom line.

So back to my Soapbox…

There was a girl named Nia quite a few yesterdays ago.

Nia. Was. Everything.

She & I lived on the same street, her about 6 houses down.

I don’t know what it was about this girl that wrapped my stomach in knots when I saw her; but somehow, she was successful at it every time.

So what did I finally do?

I did what every young handsome boy with raging hormones does whenever he sees a girl he likes:

I ran.

I fled the scene immediately, like clockwork.

I would go back to the comfort of my living room and spectate her glory from the mini blinds.

This was way before the Book of G.A.M.E. even came out.

I was G.A.M.E.-less

Even my father’s continuous pep talks couldn’t get me to overcome these emotional hurdles I was hurdling…fear that she would reject me.

If I knew then

what I know now, Nia would’ve been in the bag.

Turns out that I put her on such a high pedestal, that I was unable to reach her myself. And that was my own doing.

Comrades, be confident.  Please.  A Damsel at the end of the day, is a human being at the beginning of the day.  Confidence is everything.  You need to understand that rejection is always a possibility, even for the Damsel that makes you nervous.  G.A.M.E. is a mechanism designed to help you minimize these rejections.  Never be too afraid to approach what you think may be a shot at something real.  Pedestals are for Bronze, Silver, and Gold Medalists.  But if you happen to accidentally place her up there real high…

Bring her back down!

You can simply do so by just remembering, that Pretty Girls do it too.

 

 

Beware of the Carpenter.

Standard

Jesus was a carpenter.

But HE was perfect.
We’re not.

Besides, I’m talking about something different…

Beware of the Carpenter

Beware of the Carpenter because carpenters “put walls up.”

They do other things, too.  But let’s lay the groundwork first.  Yes, pun intended.

Now, I’m going to break this down in the most simplest, forthright, candid, plainest, all-american ham and cheese sandwich way possible:

You ever meet a damsel/man for the first time?……

Y’all hit it off appropriately

Chemistry amazing

Love at first sight (if you believe in that)

Decide to go on a date

Date

More chemistry

Hydrogen & Oxygen

Everything felt pure like water.

But something changed.

Maybe the water flowed too heavily and in the midst of it all, someone drifted away…

You would like to see more of your date but you’re unaware that s/he has all of a sudden become preoccupied.

*Cell Phone Rings*

Man: Hello

Damsel: Hey!!!

Man: Hey (notice the absence of exclamation point usage. Meaning: lack of enthusiasm)

Damsel: I want to see you!

Man: Oh, really (take notice again..)

Damsel: Can I come over tonight?

Man: Well, I’m really tired. (It’s 6:05pm.) I still have to wrap up some files for a briefing tomorrow, go to the gym, clean the house.  By the time I do all that, I will be exhausted.  Plus, I have an early morning tomorrow.  I have to wake up at 3:30am to do my laundry, it’s expected to be crazy traffic because of daylight savings time, then it’s street cleaning so I have to move my work van.

To the damsel reading this,

That man just put a “wall” up on you.  Not only A wall, but multiple ones.  More than five even.

Wall (n.) {Wawl} ~ A stated thought or action used as a barrier by a man or damsel to passively deter or avoid unwanted company or physical companionship.

2. The cowardly approach of saying “I’m not interested.” 

3. A means of tactfully changing the subject

He is a bona fide Carpenter.

And I’m not talking about his real job.

I’m talking about his character as a person.

Always..

..look for the early warning signs while dealing with Carpenters.

Only you can determine if you have the patience to deal with hurdles and the upset.

To some degree, the chase makes it fun, yes.  It’s a natural part of the G.A.M.E.

But too many walls might only make you wish that you had some windows.

At least with windows, you can see through them, or possibly escape if necessary.

Beware of the Carpenter.
(Oh, and subscribe to this)

Times are changing~

Standard

image

If only G.A.M.E. were more like energy…
Energy can neither be created nor destroyed.
G.A.M.E. can undoubtedly be created, and has most certainly been destroyed.

Do you know why?

They don’t make men like they used to.
Simple and plain.

Times are changing~

30 is the new 29. And ladies are the new man. Men in general have turned into an impressionable and insecure species with no identity. Poor parenting or lack thereof, media outlets, entertainment, pop culture, etc. has attributed to our failing as a whole. I’m not here to make excuses, so I won’t. It has become socially acceptable for men to take on the traits of a damsel. There’s always exceptions to every rule, of course. Where did we drop the ball?

I’m on my soapbox:
I’m in Macy’s. On this particular day, I decided to treat myself to a new fragrance. I ended up going with ‘Legend, by Mont Blanc’. But prior to that, my shopping experience was real shaky. It’s been eons since I’ve been cologne shopping and I have everything so I really didn’t need another. But you can never have enough a young damsel once taught me… So I’m back now for the first time in years and I noticed that all of the bottle designs for men have become increasingly feminine. I thought to myself, that’s because damsels buy and men only sit at home at play sports, right?

Shut up!

But I guess it’s like dog treats…..they put bacon on the packaging to market to the humans. Dogs don’t give a lovemaking what bacon looks like. Any respectable pup should have never even tasted bacon. But it’s the owner making the final decision. So back to the cologne~ not only were the bottles feminine, a lot of the fragrances were distinctly soft and unacceptably sweet. On more than 3 occasions I had to look at the bottle and ask “is this still the men’s section?”

The rep would kindly reply,
Yes sir, but this item is unisex.
A clear copout.
Case in point.

Everything has become “unisex.”

As a whole, the way men dress, walk, speak, and carry themselves has demonstrated a terrible compromise in swagger and bravado.

The things that are destroying manhood:
~Pastel scarfs in the spring or summer time
~Boots with a tall heal on them
~Handbags
~Pants so skinny that men have to peel them off at night. (If they’re inside out when they come off, they’re way to skinny.)

I see “couples” walking down the street all the time in Los Angeles. From behind, you can’t tell the man and damsel apart anymore. I swear to Bob.

I will be responsible for reinstalling G.A.M.E. in men. Creating that good energy.

Comrades,
Be confident.
Be masculine, if applicable.
Be yourself.

Don’t think outside the box, DO outside the box.
Please destroy everything you’re doing.
Don’t walk up to a beautiful damsel and say, you are so beautiful.
Calling a beautiful woman “beautiful” does not impress her.

Why?

Would you walk up to a baseball player on the field and say, hey, you play baseball.

It’s boring. It’s trite. It’s lazy. It’s supercilious.

The beautiful damsel hears that she’s “beautiful” too often. Your words are not compliments. If nothing else, they sicken her.

I’m done writing for now.

How much did you miss me?

Standard

Comrade, pardon my brief absence from The Book of G.A.M.E.

I myself was jumping the emotional hurdles of life, and my G.A.M.E. was temporarily distorted……if you can believe it.  I’m a human being first and one thing that has shaped me as a man and an artist is adversity. Pure gold is to be tried by fire first. With that being said, the flames are behind me.

I’ve got a lot of positive information to share for the blog and upcoming book release. New post in the next 24 hours entitled “Times are changing.”  Stay tuned. Be fed.

~The Philly Cat!

The Necessary Evil~

Standard

All too often I stumble across the proverbial question…

…by a comrade of mine, confiding in me about his complicated love life.
…In the grocery store: eavesdropping on a group of damsels confessing in the 15 items or less lane -clearly with 16 items or more in their carts-
…or with myself.

All too often I experience that never ending, insatiable question(s).

“Why do we play games?”

“Why is s/he playing games with me?”

“When are the games ever going to end?”

There’s a thousand ways to ask the question. But no matter how you dice it, a game is being played.

(Game is not to be confused with G.A.M.E. ~stay with me)

A women’s makeup is so complex that it becomes simple. The way she thinks, talks, lives, breathes, and operates is what makes her unique. Her needs, how she likes to chase but not too hard, how she likes to be chased sometimes but not stalked, what makes her smile, excite, levitate differs from the needs of the gentlemen. Thus, we walk right into the game head on without a warning sometimes. We don’t have any pieces, no cards, dice or nothing.

Sometimes the games are subtle and undetectable, and sometimes they’re very obvious and aggresive~ like walking into a friends house and they yell at you, “take all the money out of your pocket, sit down, and play” meanwhile giving you a handful of poker chips in exchange for your bills. Either way, you have to be ready.

G.A.M.E. (Getting A Major Edge) will get you there.

I can count on more than 5 fingers how many times I hear this in a week; “I don’t wanna play games. I just wanna love”

or, my personal favorite

“I’m too old to be playing these d*mn games!”

The fact of the matter is:
The harder we try NOT to play games
The harder it is that we are actually playing.

Game is inevitable.

Some people call it “cat and mouse” and some people just call it like it is. Games are being played. But that doesn’t make it a bad thing. In fact, it’s a very positive thing once you identify either the game you started, or the game you walked into.

Just don’t get caught up in winning nor losing. Usually winning has to do with one party trying to gain power in some way. For ex. A damsel trying to make her mate jealous in some way, in order to guage her man’s commitment and care level.

There’s a copious amount of games out there. So I won’t pretend like I have the free time to share them all nor you will pretend to have the time to read them.

In the game of chess, the object is to not only capture the King, but to protect the Queen from being taken. This is easily why it is my favorite.

Game is the necessary evil. This is why you need G.A.M.E.

If you don’t take anything from this, take that!